Tuesday, August 12, 2008

My heartbreak

jessica and Tommy,2007

I continued writting Tommy,without fail,every week he got a new letter to make him smile,my nana said"you must care an awful lot about him to make sure he smiles"I said"yup"she always interupted me when I wrote a letter.She would sneak over my shoulder to see what I was jotting down,My aunt once had been in Hawaii on her honeymoon,she brought me a picture from the Out Rigger Hotel because Tommy had been singing there,I had it tucked in a wallet for so long,It got torn and old but i carried it and lost it as well.

Anyway,I had called Arlene one day to see if Tommy got my letter and to see if he was ok,she said"jo,he is gone"My heart sunk,I said"what do you mean gone"? She said"he went to Cail"I said"well where can I write him there",she said"you can't write him no more".I was floored,now what do i do,for years I was lonely,I would only think of "where could Tommy be,is he alright",Arlene never gave much imfo on Tommy,so what was I going to do.I cried some that night,My aunt was there,My nana heard me crying in my sleep asking for Tommy,it was very hard on me.My aunt couldn't understand why,she said"whats the matter with jojo"?My nana said"remember when you liked all those doowop people like dion and the belmonts or the skyliners,remember when you'd watch american badnstand"she said"of course i do,I ran home everyday just to watch the show but whats that got to do with joanne"?My nana looked at her and said"she has a very special spot in her heart for Tommy Sands,she has watched every movie he's done more then once,listens to all his old songs,she has tapes she's recorded of him,she was writting him for awhile at her friends house and it suddenly stopped because he left and she dosen't know where he is now, she's worried because she cares and I think loves him,so leave it alone, let her be".

CMT reaired a nashville now with Tommy on it, this time, copper brown hair, white suite,yellow tank top, blue shirt over it, his guitar,singing worrin kind and later Teen age Crush,i taped that as well,I sat and cried, this was all I had now was tapes from talk shows and tv.i was beside myself,I just kept wondering.

I went to doowop shows,I did two benefits for two sick kids,I kept my self busy but I would ask friends like joey dee if they've seen him and got the same answear"i have no idea where he is".Arlene past away,she was so sick and I did get to tell her thank you,because of her I was able to form a bond and friendship with Tommy.

I talked about Tommy,My cousin who was into herself,was judgemental of me because I was in a circle of people who were not only entertainers but friends and she was no where.One of my friends from a group nick named me "little bits"I laught and said"how come little bits" and the answear was"because your so little and theres lots of little bits of you to love"I just wished Tommy knew that.

We'd be in the car coming back from a trip or something and I'd beg to keep CBS.101 on, I loved don k reeds show and cousin brucie,they were my favorites, any given time I'd be sitting on the stoop outside till all hours listening to Doowop shop or Don K Reed and always hoping I'd hear Tommy,one night sure enough they played Tommy on the radio,I'd call WGLI as I knew Dj's and request Tommy,soemthing to help me sleep.

For years,I drove people nuts,asking about Tommy.My friends{what little I had} knew I loved him.My best friends father had a collection of albums and every now and then he would play"steady Date" for me ,I tried many times to get that album from him and he'd laugh he said"jo,anytime your here you can listen to it but I'm not handing it over".He knew I had a special spot for Tommy, heck as a kid I drove him nuts trying to get that album,it was his on going joke till I was an adult"so want the album"?I said"oh yes"he say"well tuff,it's mine".He treated me like one of the family and I knew he was a joker.
My nana,before she got real sick,knew I loved tommy,she knew more then I knew.She said"joanne,I know you hurt,I know your heart is broken but you'll find him",I said"no nana because nobody I know,knows where he is".My nana relized she needed to enforce my aunt as well but that didn't work either.
My aunt had a way with words,she said"jojo,I know how you feel,I liked all the old singers to but i never got as far as you did, heck you have met wayne newton, who would of known you'd be pen pals with that man for so long and then formed a bond with Tommy Sands and become friends with him,nobody dose that and can have that special memeory instilled in their minds and hearts forever".I looked at her and said"aunt alice, this wasn't one of those teen things,this was the real deal,I wanted to go see him so many times in Ny but Arlene wouldn't allow me to come see Tommy for whatever reason,she just told me keep writting him and I did,Aunt alice,I miss him so much,I miss having a reason to write him,I keep writting a letter now and then just to write one but no where to send it too".
she understood somewhat, my nana took her aside and said"she loves him,it's not like a crush or anything, she has had her heart filled by him, her void she's had all her life was filled by him".My aunt was shocked,she said"love,well I gather no I didn't understand all of what was in her heart".
My other aunt who got chuckles out of things like that would say"have you heard from Tommy this week"and I'd walk away and cry or my cousin who liked to play games, asked everyone a question"who would you like to meet or marry"?I hated her games because they were away to trap me,When she got to me I said"tommy Sands"she laught and said"you will never meet nor know Tommy Sands so get off it already"I said"oh, well we'll see".then years later when my nana who stuck up for me sat her down and said"lorriane,I am asahmed of you, why do you put joanne down"?She looked and said"I didn't know I did that"my nana said"she has a special spot for Tommy and all you do is make her feel less then in frount of people,it needs to stop",it stopped.
For years,I kept thinking about Tommy,I saw him on little things but I missed him so much,then the "star"paper ran a where are they now thing and my aunt picked it up for me,she was so happy,she came over for the weekend,she couldn't wait for me to have it.She said"jojo,I have a surprise for you,here look inside",I sat and looked,I saw Fabian, tab hunter, Bobby Rydell,etc but then found My Tommy, graying hair,green sweat suite on and a short article on him,there was a question"Do you have a woman in your life"?something to that effect,his answear was"no, I haven't found one who'd want me",I wanted him.I gave my aunt a hug and cried, she said'jojo whats the matter"?I said"aunt alice read the question"she did and smiled and said"and,whats your answear to it",I said"me,I want him,I love him"she just smiled.
From that point on that paper was under my pillow so it wouldn't get lost,my aunt understood better and encouraged me as well,my grandmother got sick and her mind wasn't the same,I would go see her in the nursing home and hospital,i'd play her music to jog her memory anything i could do to bring her back.I played some of Tommy's songs and she'd open her eyes and listen,she would hold my hand,then in october she past way,I was beside myself,I missed her wisdom,her advice, her encouragement and most of all her friendship.
I believe in angels,When my grandmother was gone, she came to me one night,i could see her plain as day.I sat up in bed and she stroked my hair as she did time and time again,she said"joanne,I'm ok, I am going to be with grandpa and my sister soon"I said"nana,I need you don't leave me"she said"oh i'm not leaving you, i'll be around you all the time",I said"nana what do i do now"?She said"when you find Tommy,you share with him how you feel,you tell him of the times you wondered about him and how you cared,he'd appriciate that".I said goodbye,then next morning my father was saying"who were you talking to all night"?I said"nana,she came to me"he was dumb founded,I described a coat she had worn when i was a kid,she told me about gradnpa and i said something, my mother almost dropped to the floor.My nana was going to tell grandpa about me and how I have someone special in my life.

2 comments:

Thomas Crane's 2013 U.S. Tour said...

In 1957 I sang for 8 weeks for Cliffie Stone at Harmony Park Ballroom, in Anaheim, CA. Tommy was on the show; and one day at rehersal, I was watching Speedy West (steel grutarist) standing about 3 feet from Tommy. Cliffie was in the back of the seating area and yelled for someone to turn the PA on. I was shocked; as I was that close and didn't realize that Tommy was singing (he sang so soft). Never saw or heard from Tommy after that period in my life; although I'm trying to get him to do a show for my production company. Don Kirk www.facebook.com/don.l.kirk

Thomas Crane's 2013 U.S. Tour said...

I hit the wrong identity. I am no linger associated with Thomas Crane's show.